Have you ever noticed how easily misunderstandings can arise in our conversations?
The other day, while my husband was giving directions to our daughter over the phone, I could sense frustration building on both ends as the message wasn’t getting through clearly.
It struck me that this happens not only with them, but also in my interactions with others.
Barriers to Communication
Two things often stand in the way of understanding:
- Assuming others think and feel the same way we do.
- Believing others have the same experiences and knowledge as we do.
Social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson explains that most people suffer from “the transparency illusion” which is “the belief that what they feel, desire and intend is crystal clear to others, even though they have done very little to communicate clearly what is going on inside their minds.”
The speaker “might not spend the time or effort to be as clear and forthcoming about their intentions or emotional states as they could be, giving the perceiver very little information with which to make an accurate judgment.”
Also, many of us tend to be “cognitive misers,” lazy thinkers and we are content to trade off accuracy for speed in our perceptions.
For example, my farmer husband, who’s familiar with running equipment, couldn’t understand why I needed step-by-step instructions when he taught me to ride a motorcycle- it was second nature to him.
Another Challenge: Different Meanings
Words can have different meanings and associations for different people.
I used to get annoyed when my husband would ask how I was doing, and if I replied “okay,” he assumed everything was fine.
To me, “okay” meant I needed some sympathy-I’ve been better and wasn’t doing great at that moment.
Avoiding Misunderstandings
To overcome these communication hurdles, let’s
- Recognize that everyone’s experiences are unique, even if they grew up together.
- Understand that no one thinks exactly like us.
- Be mindful of how words can be interpreted differently.
- Don’t hesitate to ask for clarification when needed.
Though it takes effort, clear communication is worth it.
By being open and understanding, we can strengthen our relationships and avoid frustrating misunderstandings.
Let’s give it a try!
Much love,
