When Uncertainty is Talking

Have you ever had a decision to make and the answer was unclear? When the only thing you felt was uncertainty?

An example of uncertainty

By the time you read this, I will be in the middle of a cross-country road trip with one of my daughters. It’s a long drive from Idaho to Maryland and we both privately wondered if it was a good idea to travel together.

You see, in addition to being mother/daughter, and though we love each other dearly, we also have different personalities. We think differently. We spend money differently. We’ve had different experiences growing up. And to put it bluntly, sometimes we really annoy one another!

Though I believe “love can conquer all,” navigating through shared experiences can be a little tricky and the last thing I wanted was to ruin an important relationship.

This week-long trip, traveling by car together, could be a huge disaster or it could be a wonderful experience!

Before the decision was made to travel together, uncertainty ran rampant.

I can easily “tear myself up” with uncertainty and so, I share this with you in case you sometimes do that too.

What to do when undecided

Here are some questions to help.

Do you have ground rules or do you just “wing it”?

I appreciated when my daughter asked, at the beginning of the planning stages, “What part of the trip do you want to be in charge of?”

We both happily agreed that I would plan the route across country and she would arrange my flight back home.

(See my post on meeting each other’s needs. Link to blogpost “Growing Together or Growing Apart” https://www.melaniebnewman.com/staging/9944/growing-together-or-apart/ )

Do you have clear expectations?

I wanted to drive longer hours to get her there sooner. She wanted the same.

Do you know what’s important to yourself and to the other person?

I wanted a place to sleep each night and a hot shower each morning. She agreed.

What are you willing to compromise on for the sake of the relationship?

It’s a challenge arranging things here at home so I can travel with her, but she’s important to me and I know that she is appreciative.

The last question that summarizes the others

Do you communicate?

Do you express and discuss your wants and needs or do you get resentful because the other person didn’t guess correctly?

How important it is to communicate and communicate with respect! This concept is so obvious but it seems to be the skill least understood. Communication is a two-way giving and receiving and sticking with it until both feel heard and understood. Sometimes that may mean to agree to disagree, but always with respect for the differences.

With the foundation that this type of communication gave us, there was no longer any uncertainty. The trip is decided, planned and I’m super excited to see what adventures await!

Much love,

P.S. As I said at the beginning, by the time you read this, we will be mid-way into our travels. Comment below or shoot me an email with any advice or suggestions you have to offer. 🙂