Wanting to be Nice but Fear Being Taken Advantage Of

Have you ever experienced the struggle between wanting to be nice but not wanting to be taken advantaged of?

Many people I work with express fear of being misused while they are trying to be a good person.

I recently learned from an article by Jonathan Decker, LMFT (link at bottom), that there is a difference between being nice and being kind.

Being Nice

“Being nice is about not wanting to upset people or ruffle any feathers.”

Whereas

Being Kind

“Kind people don’t want to hurt others, but they will speak the truth with boldness and love.

“Kind people care about the welfare of those around them.

“Kind people draw healthy boundaries because that’s good for everybody.”

Not understanding this difference, my daughter recently experienced a situation where being nice limited her opportunities to attend the traditional, formal, school dance.

Prom invitations are rather elaborate in our small community, and there is almost an unwritten rule that when asked to Prom, the young woman should say yes. I know it comes from good mothers wanting to teach their daughters to be nice. On the surface that may seem a good thing, but remember, nice and kind are two different things.

My daughter created a dilemma. A young man indicated that he was going to ask her to the upcoming Prom, but he made her feel uncomfortable. Wanting to be nice and not hurt his feelings, she pre-empted anyone’s asking her by declaring that she wouldn’t be going to the Prom.

Are there situations in your life where you have mistakenly assumed that being nice is the answer when the situation instead requires speaking boldly with love?