Have you ever wanted to change other people? Maybe you found them irritating or annoying or just believed they should be different in some way?
But try as you might your efforts were in vain?
I hate to admit that that there was one person who would drive me crazy every time I came close to her. She was so annoying! She talked constantly and never knew when to stop. I thought she was silly and insensitive, never knowing when to be serious. In fact, I would avoid her whenever I could.
Until one day.
I was in a situation where I found myself unavoidably sitting next to her, with no option of changing seats. My first thought was, “Oh, no! These next few hours are going to be miserable.”
The surprising thing was that I found her delightful! She was enjoyable and pleasant. I couldn’t believe this was the same person. In fact, I couldn’t see how I had ever thought of her as anything other than friendly and kind.
What a turn-around!
You might wonder what she did to change, but I will tell you that she hadn’t changed at all!
I was the person who had changed.
We didn’t see each other very often and from the time of my previous interaction to this latest experience, I had come to understand some things about myself.
I had learned that the harder I judged myself, the harder I judged others.
Up to this point I had been a harsh critic of myself and unknowingly, that self-condemnation tainted my interactions with and beliefs about others.
I hadn’t realized how much, until my mental and emotional health had taken a dive and I had to learn some skills to get my life back on track.
I recognized the damage of negative self-talk and changed my thoughts, language and beliefs.
I learned to be compassionate and kind with myself and suddenly was able to appreciate so much more in others.
I learned that many of my traits that I thought were weaknesses were actually strengths that just needed to be recognized and honored. Loving and accepting those parts of myself allowed me to love and accept others in ways I was unable to before.
What a turn-around is right!
But it wasn’t her turn-around. It was mine!
Is there someone you find irritating or whom you want to change for some reason?
Instead of focusing on what you perceive to be their problem, turn inward and see where you might be harshly judging yourself. Notice where you are being unforgiving and hard on yourself.
If that’s difficult for you to recognize, ask yourself if you would say to a friend the things you say to yourself. If the answer is no, then begin right there to incorporate for yourself the compassion and kindness you try to show to others.
As your self-respect and self-caring improve, you will perceive amazing changes in those around you!
If you were to tell them of how they’ve changed they might look at you strangely. Then you will remember to smile, as you will recall that the change didn’t happen in them, but in you!
With love,
