I hope you’re having a beautiful day!
It’s the first part of May and I was expecting it to be warm outside. Instead, as I sit down to write to you, it is cloudy, windy and cold.
Are you like me in being easily influenced by the weather?
If it’s cloudy, I tend to feel lethargic, slow and often times sad. If it’s sunny and warm, I tend to have more energy, feel happy and have a brighter outlook on life.
Not a good thing!
The problem is that I am allowing outside circumstances to control me. In effect, I am giving away my power and allowing circumstances, people or outside situations to control me and determine how I feel.
Albert Ellis, an American psychologist, developed the ABC Technique of Irrational Beliefs which explains this process of losing our ability to decide for ourselves how to feel.
A is the activating event.
C is the consequence or result
(I’ll define B in a moment).
Many people believe that A leads to C, that an outside event determines the result and how we feel. You hear this when someone says something like, “They made me so mad!” Or, “That (action or comment) ruined our trip!”
If you believe this way, you are working from a victim mindset, which says that the result is the fault of others and that you are not in charge of your reactions. What a limiting, sad way to live.
The outcome of an event is not the direct result of that event, but rather your response to the meaning you have assigned to that event.
B is the belief that we have about the event.
Therefore:
The consequence or result comes about because of the belief we hold about the activating event.
C is a result of B which is a result of A.
Does that make sense?
Once we realize that we can only control the meaning that we assign to events, and take responsibility for that meaning, then there is nothing outside of us that has the ability to determine how we feel. We are in control of our inner world. And if we are not, then we have given our power away!
Take a moment and think of a situation in which your response was not what you might have wished it to be. Apply what you now know and see if your feelings about that event change.
I’d love to hear any insights you have gained. Share below or shoot me an email.
What an empowering understanding to help us break free of negative habits and unconscious responses!
Much love!
