I am a student of human nature.
I love to study and understand why people think, say, and do what they do.
Learning about people in this way helps me strengthen the relationships most important to me.
To Take Offense
Years ago, my husband would watch the nightly news, while I’d be in the kitchen preparing dinner, half listening.
As soon as a human interest story came on, my ears would perk up and I was fully listening, only to be frustrated as he’d switch channels or turn the T.V. off.
I’d call out that I wanted to hear that segment, and he’d scramble to get it back on, but by then it would be over.
I used to get annoyed with him, taking it personally that he wasn’t considerate of my interests.
To be fair, I suppose I did the same to him.
He’d start talking about farm equipment and my eyes would glaze over and my mind would start to wander.
You may wonder, if we are so different in our interests, how could we possible have stayed married for almost 32 years?
I’ll tell you a secret.
The Secret
Years ago in a marriage preparation class in college, I learned something eye-opening.
The importance of having our needs met, only not in the way you may think.
Instead of focusing on your own needs, focus on the needs of your spouse.
When each partner focuses only on getting his/her needs met, the marriage suffers.
There is a better way!
Instead, when the focus is on meeting each other’s needs, the individual needs are being met AND the marriage grows strong because of the act of serving one another.
It’s a win/win.
It may take a lot of giving and receiving, perhaps even failing and trying again, but it works!
Marriage involves learning to grow together, and that growing happens in service to each other.
The Light Clicks On
Though I may not be interested in farm equipment, I am interested in my husband.
Though he may not be interested in symphony concerts or musicals, he is interested in me.
Because we care about the other and strive to support each other’s needs, our needs are being met and we are growing closer together.
Though you have no control over the other person, as you consciously make the effort to support your partner’s needs, you may very well find him responding to you in like manner.
Much love,
Side Note: In the middle of writing these thoughts, my husband came into my office, sat down and started talking about his work that morning.
I heard words like: “auger,” “seed truck,” “hydraulics,” “drills.”
Considering what I was preparing to share with you, I took my hands off the keyboard, turned the monitor away and gave him my full attention.
Only a few minutes later I was treated to a big, appreciative hug and kiss!
