The Nature of Nurturing

I thought I knew what nurturing was. Yet, I recently realized I’d missed an important aspect.

I had believed a nurturer was someone who is kind and thoughtful, gentle and caring. Someone who provides comfort and who tends to the needs of others.

These are qualities of a nurturer, but the definition is not complete.

The definition of nurture is to “care for and encourage the growth or development of.”

Consider how one nurtures a plant. You water it. Give it the right amount of sunlight. Fertilize and add nutrients to the soil.

All good, positive, and needed things that help plants grow.

But if that’s all one did, the plant still may not thrive.

What is also needed is the pruning, staking to a pole to provide support, even cutting the plant back at times.

These actions may seem harsh, but without them the plant becomes weak, and could possibly die.

Let me share my experience in how this relates to nurturing people.

I was undecided in what to say to a child who was struggling. Another daughter of mine said something that opened my eyes.

She told me that on her mission for our church, there were times she needed to be told to “buck up” and get back to work, but that I never did that.

I was surprised!

She was right, but I thought that as a nurturer my purpose was to be understanding, patient and encouraging. I thought I was to try and help her feel better. She opened my eyes that there’s a place for softness and a place for what might be known as tough love.

Both provide what the person needs.

If nurturing means to provide the right environment and opportunities for development and growth, then at the right time being direct and pointing out some difficult things to hear may be exactly what is needed.

Because I never want to say or do anything that might cause someone pain, I don’t feel very skilled at tough love. But knowing that including the hard things might be just as much a part of nurturing as soft and gentle words, perhaps I can learn to nurture in a more balanced and effective way.

With love,