Through reframing, I was able to turn a potential embarrassment into a moment of connection.
Let me explain.
Personal Experience
My college son and six of his friends spent the night in our home recently on their way to Yellowstone National Park.
We served a quick and easy meal of grilled hamburgers with the trimmings, making sure there was plenty in quantity.
Halfway through their hamburgers, I realized I had forgotten to serve the potato salad.
Hastily I plopped the 8-lb. carton of store bought potato salad in front of one of the friends.
“Here, have some potato salad,” I said, and apologized for not serving it in a bowl.
A short time later, while visiting with that friend, I learned he was a 5-star Mediterranean chef opening a restaurant in the United States.
Yes, you may laugh at my discomfort. I have many times since then.
I cringed when I thought of the hamburger buns they had to toast because they were still partly frozen, and the taco soup made of canned beans, and of course the 8-pound carton of potato salad plopped in front of this culinary expert!
What I Used to Do
Earlier in my life I would have focused on my feelings of embarrassment, possibly even shame.
I would have easily made up stories in my head judging my inadequacies as not just a cook, but as a person.
I would have equated my serving failure as a reflection of my self-worth.
Seems extreme, doesn’t it?
Yet, how often do we sink into thoughts that undermine our sense of self?
What I Do Now
Instead of focusing on myself, I chose in that moment to focus on and listen to my son’s friend.
He told me of his experiences cooking in Australia and Germany, as well as his home in Albania. He told me of learning English and of his hopes and dreams here in the U.S.
No one mentioned the unrefined serving of my meal.
Instead, he was gracious and kind and spoke highly of my family and how grateful he was to be in our home.
Though this was not one of my finer culinary moments, it was a fine connection by listening to a person rather than focusing on my own self-esteem.
Have you had similar experiences?
Why What You Tell Yourself Matters
Are there stories you tell yourself that interfere with your ability to connect with others?
I invite you to practice the art of reframing your experiences and find connection, and in so doing discover peace and perhaps even humor.
Much love,
I always love your insights, Melanie. They help me so much! But….this is one of my favorites! The ability to focus on others brings happiness, connections and the great rewards of life! When we focus on ourselves, all that is lost—especially our happiness! Thanks for the reminder and practical lesson in how to apply that!
Thank you so much Yvonne! YOU actually taught me this lesson years ago when you brought me dinner after (or before), one of my babies was born. You expressed concern about the meal, but brought it anyway. You focused on serving me and I was so grateful, and I have always remembered! The meal was delicious btw.?
Thank you for the reminder to look and listen with real intent. It reminds me of an experience a long time ago of me trying to be perfect in all aspects of my life. An embrassing moment for me in a social setting occured and an acquaintance said, “Nice to see you’re human!” She did not say it in a malicious manner, but it made me realize that my trying to be perfect was causing others to see me as stuck up/snobby. Her comment help me to take a step back and realize human connection is of higher value then have things in perfect order. A beautiful friendship grew from that acquaintance.
What a great moment of understanding, Rochelle! You are so right. Human connection is of much higher value than any outward appearances. Love you!?