Last week’s newsletter, “Missed Opportunity,” struck a chord with many of you and made me think of where I was 20 years ago, emotionally.
I didn’t understand why, when asked what I wanted, I was not able to respond. Invariably, I would first think of how my opinion or decision would affect other people, especially those I loved.
“What movie do you want to watch? ‘Hmmm. The kids would like an animated movie. My husband would probably prefer an action film. I don’t know. What do you want to watch?’” Or, if we’re with friends, I’d go through each friend and knowing that certain people would not like what I preferred, I chose to not say.
In time, I lost the ability to know what I really wanted.
It became so bad, that when I was given the opportunity to have a day to myself, (I was the mother of 6 young children, so a day to myself was practically unheard of), I would spend half the day, moving from one thing to the next, uncertain of what to do and wasting most of the time, for fear of wasting my time. Yes, I know, that’s pretty sad.
Without going into what had gotten me into that state of mind, (maybe for another post), I can tell you what got me out of it.
I had to change my way of thinking. I had to start claiming my value as a person, unique and different and worthy of claiming her space in this world. I had to learn to honor and value myself as well as I honored and valued the lives of others.
If you find you have struggled in any way with losing sight of your interests and getting to the point of not knowing what you want, let me suggest one thing to start with.
Do one thing today, just for you. No matter how small. Do something that you normally don’t allow yourself to do. Maybe take 5 extra minutes in the shower. Maybe read from a novel. Maybe take the time to call a friend you haven’t talked to in months, or years.
But, I’ll warn you. This will not work if you choose to feel guilty about it.
Let me take that from you. No guilt allowed. When caring for yourself with acceptance and self-love you will feel refreshed, invigorated, and renewed and better able to serve others. And you will also be a happier, more fulfilled individual, knowing what you want.
Love,
