Do you ever find yourself re-living past mistakes? Do you tend to wallow in moments of self-pity wishing things were different? Maybe wishing you had done things differently, especially when it comes to raising children?
If I don’t catch myself I can easily fall into the downward spiral of self-blame, and self-judgement.
It’s a dangerous temptation.
The Insight
Over the years I’ve created a toolbox of sorts to stop myself from those dangerous thoughts that drag me down.
I want to share with you an understanding that I recently acquired.
I was visiting with a friend the other day, a mother whose children are grown and have children of their own.
She was telling me how one day with her family, she was bemoaning her faults, and her many mistakes raising her family, when her daughter asked her a pointed question.
“Is there something wrong with us?”
It caught my friend off-guard. The daughter repeated the question.
“Is there something wrong with us?”
Re-thinking
It caused my friend to re-think what she was saying and how she was choosing to feel about herself.
You see, she has amazing children. Well-adjusted, capable, loving children who are raising quality children themselves. I know this because some of those grandchildren are friends with my children. I’ve had them in my home and have seen their goodness.
Hearing that blunt question as if it were being asked of me, caused me to re-think my moments of self-doubt and disparagement.
What was I communicating about my children when I allowed such thoughts to run rampant?
You see, I have amazing children also. They’re not perfect. They make mistakes, but they are people that others and I enjoy being around. They are aware and responsible. They work hard. They lift others.
I could go on and on. Just as you probably could too about your children.
Our Relationships
Could we be doing damage to our relationships when we allow misplaced guilt to take over?
What if, instead, we saw our children for who they are and enjoy the unique individuals they have become?
What if we took the focus off of ourselves and our perceived mistakes and give thanks that our children are becoming wonderful people?
Much love,
This is such a good insight, Melanie. We can be so hard on ourselves and it often does become a habit. We need to accept ourselves for who we were when we were raising our children, and then focus on the good people that our children have become. Thank you for sharing these positive suggestions.
I like that Cheree. Accept ourselves for who we were when raising our children. We did the best we knew how at that time.?