What do you do when a loved one is struggling? It’s hard, isn’t it? You want to take away the pain and make life easy.
Do you ever find yourself jumping in with suggestions and solutions, even though you know that is not what is needed at the time?
Maybe you even try to stop yourself from offering advice but because you don’t know what else to do, you just keep talking?
I find myself in this predicament more often than I’d like to admit. I want so desperately to ease their pain.
I discovered something that is making a difference for me. Perhaps it can also help you.
The first three steps may sound familiar, but awareness of the last two steps may make all the difference.
Rather than clumsily jumping in to try and rescue, take a moment to
1. Listen. Listen with your ears, your eyes, with all your senses to see the other person. Listen for what is in her heart.
2. Pray. Inwardly ask God for direction.
3. Listen again. Listen to what the Spirit is now telling you.
The next two steps are vital.
4. Help as directed. It may mean taking action, saying or doing something. Or it may mean to do nothing at all.
The final, step, may be the hardest.
5. Allow.
Allow the Spirit to influence both of you.
Allow the other person to have his own experience, that is meant just for him.
Your part in this situation is peripheral. It isn’t about you.
You are being given the opportunity to support, encourage, uplift, in the way that is best for the other person.
Allowing may be the hardest part of these directions. The holding back, the listening and waiting for direction.
What if that direction is to not do anything but just love and encourage?
You can do it.
Feel the peace that comes from listening to promptings, and trusting that this experience is for their growth.
You are giving your struggling loved one the gift of allowing.
With love,
Dear Melanie, This is one of the most insightful and useful bits of advice about helping others I have ever received! I will pray for the ability and self control to use this! Thank you for you wisdom and the willingness to share it!
Thank you so much Yvonne! I think allowing is probably the most challenging part for me! And I keep getting the experiences to remind me to keep trying!?
Thanks Melanie for sharing this. I have sent it to a few people, whom are near and dear to me, that are having to watch loved ones go through trails and feel helpless. I know this has given me some insight and I hope it will help them. You’re the best. Miss you my friend.
Hi Terri! It’s so good to hear from you! I hope this can give them hope and encouragement. It can be so hard at times, but I know we’re not alone in this. Thanks for writing! I miss you too!